It Only Hurts When I Breathe
by Kaiden13
Summary: "I shouldn't want you." It's a whisper against her throat and I turn my head, kissing the spot my breath just caressed. "I know." She sighs heavily beside me and I hold her tighter, feeling the magic of tonight slipping away slowly. "What happens now?" It's a whisper so soft that I feel it before I hear it and I bite my bottom lip, hoping that we can just hold onto this.


**A/N: Alright guys, I'm just telling yoh straight up that this isn't my writing. This right here is the work of my stunning RP partner Amanda :) I edited and such, but this piece of writing right here is completely hers. We planned on making this a chapter story, but I know that this right here, to someone who wasn't familiar with what happened in the actual roleplay, would be able to stand completely on its own. So without further interruptions on my part, enjoy this fine piece of literary awesomeness.**

_"I know the only reason you were nice to Tori was to get my attention, Jade. And I think it was really…sweet."_

"Contrary to popular belief, Beckett, not everything that I do has to do with you. I was nice to Vega because…" My words die in my throat as everyone around us breaks out in cheers as the object of yet another argument between my ex boyfriend and myself and I walks back stage. She's blushing, and a small smile is threatening to split her face. A smile almost dares to crack my own face, but I force it down before anyone can notice.

"But, everything you do does have to do with her." And then he's gone, disappearing into the crowd of people swarming around the youngest Vega to congratulate her on her performance. With one last look around I tug her jacket tighter around myself before disappearing into the night.

"I don't want to talk about this again, Beck." I can feel a tension headache building slowly and I pinch the bridge of my nose as I pace my otherwise silent living room. His words from a week ago drown out what he's trying to tell me now and I clench my eyes shut tightly, spinning in a small circle in the middle of the room.

"All I'm saying is that I'm here for you, Jade. I miss you." He sounds so much like the boy that I fell in love with all those years ago and I feel a piece of myself melt for him. And then my mind flips to the image of him leaning forward to kiss Vega when he thought no one was looking and I feel my blood boil all over again.

"The same way you were there for Vega before the PMA's?" My voice is sickly sweet as I wait for his response. All I'm met with is sputtering and stammering. "If you know me so well, Beckett, how am I going to react to knowing that days before you were begging to get back together with me you were trying to kiss Vega and telling her how horrible I am?"

"This isn't about Tori, Jade. This is about you and me."

"No, you were right. Everything I do has to do with her." Before he has a chance to say anything else I hang up and toss my phone onto the couch. My stomach turns at the truth of my own words and I close my eyes as I suck in a deep breath. From the first moment I laid eyes on her she's been driving me completely out of my mind and no matter what I do she's…there. Tori fucking Vega is going to be the death of me.

A knock on the door brings me out of my thoughts and my eyes flick to the grandfather clock standing in the corner. It's late, late enough that I almost want to ignore whoever is out there and just force myself to go to sleep. But a tiny voice in the back of my mind forces my body forward before I have a chance to stop myself. Pulling the door open my heart slams to a halt in my chest.

"Jade…?" I want so much to hate her and everything she stands for. How hard is it for her to understand that I want nothing to do with her? No matter how hard I try to push her away she keeps coming back. The only time I ever acted as if I might feel anything other than absolute hate for her was at the Platinum Music Awards and even then I couldn't bear to call her a friend. Why does she have to do this, make everything mean more than it did? My eyebrow arches sharply and I lean against the door frame, arms crossing over my chest.

"What, Vega?" She jumps at the sound of my voice and a sly smile breaks my face. That's right, be afraid of me. Maybe if she fears me enough she'll finally leave me be and I can go back to my life the way it was before she barged into it and demanded my attention with her every move.

"I just wanted to say thanks. You didn't have to do what you did at the PMAs." She looks almost confused as she speaks and I take a slow, deep breath. I wonder for a moment if she's just as lost as I am, if she's struggling to keep from spilling all of her secrets out into the air between us. In a rare moment of understanding I pull the door open wider and let her into my silent sanctuary. Once the door is closed I turn on her slowly, my eyes trailing over her face slowly. She looks so innocent standing there watching me like I hold the answers to all the worlds secrets. Something changed between us the night of the PMAs and I want so much to make things go back to the way they were. A deep breath later I'm speaking, though my words are half as effective as I want them to be.

"And you didn't have to turn Beck down. But you did, and I did and…this doesn't have to be a thing, ok?" Her chest swells at that and I fight the urge to flinch away from her. She's looking at me like I'm the answer to all her problems and not the cause. I don't want to be her savior, I don't want to be anything to her and I wish she could mean even less to me.

"But…What if I want it to be?" It shouldn't shock me, but it does. She always tries so hard to be my friend, but tonight there's something different in her eyes. Chewing on her bottom lip makes her seem even more innocent than usual and I can't stop myself from wanting to answer the questions she can't bring herself to ask. With a deep sigh I look her up and down slowly, keeping my voice quiet rather than the shrill screams everyone has come to expect from me.

"I already said we were…as close to friends as we're ever gonna get. What more do you want from me?" It comes out as though I'm accusing her of some ridiculously vicious crime. Maybe I am. Being around Tori Vega does something vile to my brain and no matter how hard I try to make it stop, I can't. A sudden look of fear crosses her face and she looks like she might puke all over my living room before she speaks again.

"More." I feel my blood run cold in my veins and I suck in a sharp breath. "More than friends." The ice running through my veins turns to fire and I feel my face flush violently. I'm speaking before I can stop myself, my voice a mix of venomous poison and firey rage.

"Is this what you and Beck talk about when no one is looking? Spill Jade's dirty little secrets to use against her later?" Before I realize what I'm doing I'm standing so close to her that I can feel her fearful breaths puffing out against my lips. "Get. Out." For a second she looks like she might actually listen to me and a small feeling of victory swells in my chest as my head tilts to the side slowly. And then she's kissing me like if she stops she'll die. My brain instantly erupts in a flash of warning bells and sirens as my hands move, one hand tangling in her hair to keep her sweet mouth attached to mine as the other pushes her shoulder to pry her off of me.

I don't want this. I don't want to be standing in the middle of my living room with the one person in the world that makes me feel like I'm truly going out of my mind kissing me like I'm her saving grace. This isn't how this is supposed to happen. We've both been playing by such structured rules, always at odds with each other. But the way her lips tease against mine before harshly demanding a response makes my head spin and my knees go weak and before I can choke it down a whimper bubbles up from my throat.

Arms tangling around my waist and tugging me toward a warm, soft body shakes me out of my mind and I growl softly, nipping at her bottom lip. The hand in her hair seems to have a mind of it's own as it gives a gentle tug to a fistful of brunette locks and then sliding to hold Tori's cheek in the palm of my hand. An almost pitiful whine pushes against my lips and I have to fight the urge to smirk. Hands slide over my body slowly, delicately, as though if she touches me too hard she might break me. Nobody has ever treated me like this and I growl, arching my back and pressing my body as close to hers as I can.  
The hands stop just above my ass and I tear my lips from the lips of the girl before me, instead attaching my lips to the side of her neck and grazing my teeth over her pulse softly. That seems to be the permission she needs because I feel those hands roaming over my body again, finally settling under the hem of my shirt. Her hands feel like fire on my already heated flesh and a small moan leaves my lips as I tumble backwards toward the couch slowly. As soon as I'm sitting I drag the girl into my lap, hands settling on her hips and pulling her against me roughly as my tongue teases against her collar bone.

"J-Jade…" She sounds so desperate, so absolutely needy that I can't help but want to give her what she wants. My shirt is gone before I realize she's tugging at it and the warm, wet mouth trailing down my stomach makes my head fall back onto the couch and a breathy moan leave my lips. Through the darkness I fight to meet her eyes, turned black with lust shining up at me.

"Damn it Vega…" Is that my voice? I don't even recognize it as it rumbles from my chest and I reach down, tangling my fingers in her hair and holding her mouth against me. My breath bursts from my lungs in short, struggled pants and a sound I've never heard rips from my throat when she stops at the top of my jeans. With a quick nod of my head I give her permission to do with me what she will, lifting my hips up off the couch and rolling them against the Goddess on her knees for me. In an instant I'm naked, my body at the mercy of a girl I can't even admit out loud is a friend.

Lips tease down one leg and then up the other, drawing a low, raw moan from my lips. She's so soft, so gentle with me that I almost can't stand it. Anticipation builds low in my stomach as I look down, watching as tanned hands part my thighs slowly and then a tentative tongue thrusts inside me, turning my blood to liquid fire in my veins. My head falls back into the couch and I cry out sharply, my hips pushing up against the mouth trying to torture me. "Tori…Please…!" I pant out softly, pleading for anything she's willing to give me. I've never felt so desperate before, so willing to give myself to someone and I know it should scare the hell out of me, but it doesn't. Instead it spurs me forward, my teeth sinking into my bottom lip as the tongue disappears. A strangled whimper leaves my lips, only to be followed by a soft moan when it's replaced with a delicate finger. Hips press against the hand driving me into oblivion slowly and my eyes pop wide open.  
"Fuck…Tori…" She's by my side before I even know I want her there and I drape my arms around her neck as her lips and teeth assault my own. My knees bend and I wrap my legs around her waist, trying to draw her deeper inside. "Harder…" I whimper out into her hair. My pleading doesn't go unanswered as another finger is added and suddenly she's taking such control of my body that I can't do anything but lean back into the couch and let Vega own me.

A hand tangling in my hair and yanking hard surprises me enough to drag a high pitched yelp from my lips and the bite that follows makes my eyes slam closed and my hips push up against her roughly. My nails sink into her back and drag down sharply, trying to regain some sort of control over the situation. But all that does is spur her on, force her harder, faster, deeper, and I feel a ball of tension coiling tightly in the pit of my stomach. Nobody has ever made me feel like this; so desperate, so needy, so wanted and a loud moan spills from my lips.

I've always been the type to possess someone else. Beck was mine from the beginning and I made damn sure that was clear to everyone we met, but this feeling…being possessed is something new and I can't help but feel like it might be the death of me. "Vega…Oh God…what are you…how are you doing this to me?" I whine out before sinking my teeth into her shoulder in an attempt to muffle the constant moans pouring from my lips. The only answer I get is a low growl from her throat and her fingers speeding up inside me.  
My head turns and I search blindly for her lips, desperate to feel them against mine. One hand tangles in the hair at the nape of Tori's neck and I press my lips to her cheeks and jaw before finally I find what I'm searching for and kiss her hard. Hips push up into her hand and I moan sharply against her lips when I feel her palm crash against the most sensitive part of me and I know I'm going to come undone any second. Arms wrap around her neck tightly, heels dig into the small of her back, and my eyes clench shut so hard I can feel tears leaking from the corners of my eyes. My teeth sink into her bottom lip, tugging sharply as my body reaches the height of it's pleasure.

I can feel her everywhere, above me, inside me, mixing with the blood in my veins and I can't take it anymore, everything just feels so…good. My body tenses and shakes violently in her arms as my head falls back against the couch and I cry out sharply. Stars explode behind my eyes, my breath catches in my chest and my blood turns to molten lava, burning me from the inside out as I buck and roll beneath her, clenching and quaking on her fingers. I feel like I'm falling, drowning in a sea of Tori Vega and for the first time in my life I might be truly content to die.  
A groan leaves my lips when I feel her shift against me, freeing her fingers and licking them clean before my eyes. My body shivers in the after shocks of my pleasure and I hum softly in the back of my throat and smile softly at the feel of her lips as she presses sweet kisses to my cheeks and shoulders. One hand slides under the hem of her shirt to draw random patterns along the small of her back with my nails as my other hand laces in her hair and pulls her lips back to mine. I can taste myself on her lips, her tongue, and a small moan leaves my lips as my hand teases up her back slowly.

"Wow." I press my face into her shoulder to hide my flushed face from her questioning gaze. I have no more answers now than I did an hour ago, and the post sex haze is slowly seeping into my brain, making it hard for me to think clearly. I can't believe that just happened, that I just LET that happen and I close my eyes hard, trying to push away the voices in my head telling me that this is a bad idea, that we're only going to end up destroying each other in the end. Lips pressing against the crown of my head jolts me back to this twisted reality that my life has become and I watch slowly as Tori pulls herself away from me and lays her head on my shoulder.

A shiver wracks my body as the cold air finally registers against my heated skin and I suddenly realize how naked I am. Normally I wouldn't be embarrassed by my own body but everything feels like it's in surround sound techno-colour and I wonder for a second if I'm having a panic attack. Looking down at the head resting on my shoulder I sigh and turn slowly, winding my arms around her shoulders slowly. What ever is going on in my brain can wait.  
"We should go upstairs." I murmur softly into her neck.

"That sounds good to me." And just as quickly as she made herself known the vixen within Tori Vega retreats into the sweet, almost shy girl I've always known her to be as she collects the clothes she stripped from me not an hour before. And just as quickly as she returns to the role she's most comfortable in I do the same, shrugging into my plaid shirt and sauntering toward the stairs. When I don't hear footsteps behind me I cast a glance over my shoulder, arching an eyebrow at the suddenly meek girl behind me.

"Come on, Vega, don't just stand there staring at me. I believe I have a favor to repay." She's by my side in an instant, wringing her hands nervously as we ascend the stairs. When my foot finally hits the top step I reach for her hand, refusing to look at her. My room is at the very end of the hall and with every step toward the normally comforting black door the anxiety that builds in me is damn near crippling. I've only ever been with Beck, until now, and it was never as all encompassing as this.

Spinning Tori in my arms I press her back against the wall and settle my hands on her hips, pressing myself against her slowly. A small sigh leaves my lips as her eyes flutter closed and I nuzzle against her neck, scraping my teeth over her pulse much like I did earlier. The same strangled whine leaves her lips and I reach behind her to push the door open, wrapping an arm around the girl's waist to keep her from falling on her ass as we stumble into my room.

By the time she lands on my bed she's stripped down to her bra and panties and I'm kissing down the side of her neck as my hands tug at her hips, pulling her up against me. She's warm in my palms and I can't suppress the shiver that waves through my body. It's like I'm possessed with the need to feel her, all of her, and the soft, sweet moans spilling from her lips call me closer to her, draw me into her, and my nails scratch up her back slowly.  
"Jade…" My lips find hers before she can speak any more and break this spell she has me under. The clasp of her bra gives without much effort and it joins the pile of her clothes growing in the middle of my floor. She looks like some divine creature sprawled out on my bed, nearly naked, waiting for me to take control of her. My body moves without my mind's permission and my mouth travels down her body slowly, pushing her hips back down into the bed when she squirms against me.  
A hand tangles in my hair and my eyes flick up to hers as my thumbs hook into the waist band of her panties. My lips pull into a devilish smirk as I press an open mouthed kiss to her panties before ridding them from her body as well. I sigh softly and turn, nuzzling my face against the inside of her thigh. Legs spread slowly to make room for my body, but after I drop a small kiss to the skin beneath my lips I slide back up her body, tsking softly.

"Somebody's eager." I mumble before wrapping my lips around one nipple, my tongue laving over the pebbled flesh between my lips. She arches sharply beneath me, hooking one of her legs over my hips and rolling like a wave. Nails sinking into the small of my back draw a deep growl from my throat and my teeth graze over the nipple between my lips before I pull away and trail warm, wet kisses down her ribcage and along her stomach. My tongue dips into her belly button, fluttering against her skin as my hands pull her thighs apart again. I sink my teeth into her hip, amazed by how perfect her skin feels on my tongue.

I shouldn't be doing this. For an instant I'm positive I'm going to end this right here, right now. In a flash I see myself pulling away, demanding that she gets out of my bed and out of my house, out of my life and out of my head. I can see her scrambling up and gathering her clothes and running out in a sobbing mess. Part of me wants to do it just to make Vega cry. Instead I pull one of her thighs over my shoulder as I slide lower on the bed, turning and nipping at the inside of her thigh. My eyes search for hers in the darkness, asking permission for something I know I'm going to end up taking anyway.

"Please…" Her voice is desperate as her hands tangle in my bed sheets and without any more hesitation I lift her hips to my mouth, my tongue swiping out against her slowly. A soft moan leaves my lips at how absolutely, undeniably sweet she is. As my tongue thrusts deep inside of her I realize that I shouldn't be so shocked by it. My fingers dig into her thighs as the muscle rolls inside of her, twisting and curling like a wave, tasting every part of her I can reach. I reach out blindly as my eyes flutter closed, searching for her hand to tangle our fingers together.

This feels so unmistakably right and I can't help but want to make it feel wrong, make it feel less or more or ANYTHING other than perfect, because perfect and Jade West do not mix. As my other hand slides up her body and my nails rake down her bare stomach I hear my name spill from her lips and I feel my heart swell in my chest. A hand pushing my head closer to her desperate heat pushes me farther and I pull my mouth back, tongue teasing around her swollen bundle of nerves as two fingers thrust deep.  
The hand on her stomach slides to her hip, holding her down as my fingers work inside of her. My mouth finds the nerves screaming for my attention and I wrap my lips around it and suck hard, a soft moan leaving my lips when I feel the hand tightening in my hair. Legs wrapping around my shoulders shocks me from my almost dream state and I curl my hand around her thigh and pull it far enough away that I can slide up her body quickly, using my thigh against the back of my hand to drive my fingers deeper. My lips find her ear as my body slides against hers, teeth plucking at the sensitive skin I find there. Her hips buck up against me, muscles clenching hard on my fingers.

"Jade…Jade…I'm going to…cum…" I smile against her skin, a low, husky chuckle shaking from my chest. I shiver as she rolls beneath me, knowing I'll probably never let myself feel the perfection that is Tori fucking Vega beneath me, bucking and begging for me to make her cum, again.

"Cum for me, Vega…" I whisper darkly in her ear as my fingers curl hard, sinking my teeth into the soft skin of her neck and sucking. The moan that rips from her throat sends an almost painful shiver down my spine and the scream that follows makes my head fall back as I suck in a deep breath. My name on her lips is like a siren's song to my ears and my fingers refuse to slow their pace despite my brain telling me that the moment has passed, that this deliciously deadly glitch in time is over and it's time to go back to the roles we were intended to play. I press my lips against her pulse, whimpering and panting in time with the thrusts of my fingers even as I feel her exploding around me, refusing to give this up yet, to give her up.  
Her entire body tenses sharply beneath me as a hiss forces out between her teeth and she shatters beneath me again, clinging to me as if I'm the only thing she needs in her life. As she relaxes slowly I can't help but wonder if this is how it could be forever if we could just forget who we are and what we're supposed to be and give in to what is so obviously in front of us. My fingers finally still inside her and I rest my face against her neck, closing my eyes tightly and nuzzling my nose against her skin. I press soft, feather light kisses against the bite mark that's already starting to turn purple. I've never been so comfortable and on edge and sleepy and wide awake and afraid and exhilarated in my entire life.

Slowly I slide my fingers from their purchase and bring them to my lips, slicking them clean with a small smirk. With a soft sigh I shift my body, flopping down next to her on the bed and draping my arm over her waist, my hand curling over her hip and pulling her against me slowly. Our bodies fit together like jagged puzzle pieces and I draw lazy patterns on her hip with my index finger. I shouldn't want this, want her.

"I shouldn't want you." It's a whisper against her throat and I turn my head, kissing the spot my breath just caressed.

"I know." She sighs heavily beside me and I hold her tighter, feeling the magic of tonight slipping away slowly. "What happens now?" It's a whisper so soft that I feel it before I hear it and I bite my bottom lip, hoping that we can just hold onto this for a little while longer.

"Well, there are a few things that can happen now." I murmur, my face still pressed against her neck. "You can get dressed and go home. Or, we can sleep." I know those aren't the answers she wants, but I don't have any more of a clue than she does and I'm not about to make promises of a future I'm not even certain I can want. Her wide yawn makes me believe that the decisions is made, that we'll sleep now and try to make sense of this…insanity that we've walked blindly into.

"I know what it is that you're thinking." Her voice is soft, so soft and I can feel her eyes on me. A small smile threatens to crack my face and just as I'm about to open my mouth she continues. "I need…certainty. Continuity. And you obviously can't provide that right now. I…I'm sorry." And then, just like that, everything falls down around me all over again as she slides out of bed slowly.

I sit up and watch as she gathers her clothes and dresses. As I pull my knees to my chest I want to stop her, want to tell her to stay and be here forever, want to tell her all my secrets and beg her to never leave me the way everyone else in my life has left, but every time I open my mouth my throat closes up and no sound comes out. I knew this would happen, knew I wouldn't be good enough for her, knew that we would destroy each other, but I had hoped that somehow we could get beyond all that bullshit. The door slamming makes me jump and I realize there are tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Or you could stay forever." I finally whisper into the dark, quiet room, the sound of my own voice, broken and scared, bouncing off the walls and shouting back at me, mocking me in the stillness.

**A/N: And there it is, my lovely readers. Like I said, this is not my writing, at all. I participated in the roleplay of course (this was the first part of the very first roleplay we did with each other) but this entire thing is her own writing. She doesn't have an account on here, but leave your opinions in a review and I'll pass them onto her! We plan on leaving this as a oneshot, but if you want more, reviews motivate us! I love you all :)**


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